Plenty

There's a lot of things in my mind right now.
Plenty.

Mixed feelings. Emotions.
Plenty.

I'm feeling anger, madness, sad, upset, happy, calm, etc.
Plenty.

Do i think too much?
Do i care too much?

I feel like i can't help anyone.
But i try to make them feel better, at least.
I ask them "is everything okay?" and stuff like that.
I understand that some people do not want to trouble others.
Or need some time to sort things out on their own.

But.

That's another problem of mine.
I can't ignore that.
A person who you really love, would you let the person be and "sort things out"?
I don't know whether it's logic, or common sense or whatnot.
But i don't think i wanna leave the person all alone by himself/herself.

And yet, ANOTHER problem of mine.
I get angry easily.
Should i really elaborate at this point?
I don't think so.
Lazy.

And another one i found in my folder.
Mmm~

Finicky

Call me finicky.
I know i am.
I care too much about things.
I don't think its OCD.
But finicky is more like it.

Is it too much to ask for one to return back kindness?

Am i too nice towards people that people can just run me over
and expect that i would forgive them just like that?

Did i commit a crime so hideous that i deserve such treatment from people?

All i ever wanted was,
to be respected by people.
to be loved by people.

And so to achieve such things, i want to do only good things for people.
But

WHY?
WHY?
WHY?
WHY?

WHY DON'T ANYBODY CARE?
ALL I SEEK IS A LITTLE "THANK YOU".
OR AT LEAST SAY HELLO PROPERLY.
WHEN I CALL YOU, GIVE A GOOD RESPONSE.
WHEN I MSG, REPLY PROPERLY.

I am always thinking about other people. Or at least i try to.
When someone calls, i'll pick up the phone.
When someone msgs, i'll reply.
When someone says hi, i'll say back with full vigor.

Is it too hard for such things to happen?

Life is a bitch. True.

I found this in my folder.
Mmm.

Piss Off

Why is it whenever i want to do my work.
Why is it whenever i want to study.
Why is it whenever i have good intentions to be a good boy.

YOU HAVE TO FUCKING PISS ME OFF?

DOWN

DOWN

Baik aku bunuh diri daripada hidup atas dunia ni.

Fall Apart

xkcd

Meh

Nuff said.

MmMm

Anybody knows how to control anger?
---
Am i a human?
Or
Am i an item?

The Unforgiven

New blood joins this earth
And quickly he's subdued
Through constant pained disgrace
The young boy learns their rules

With time the child draws in
This whipping boy done wrong
Deprived of all his thoughts
The young man strugggles on and on he's known
A vow unto his own
That never from this day
His will they'll take away

What i've felt
What i've known
Never shined through in what i've shown
Never be
Never see
Won't see what might have been
What i've felt
What i've known
Never shined through in what i've shown
Never free
Never me
So i dub thee unforgiven

They dedicate their lives
To running all of his
He tries to please then all
This bitter man he is
Throughout his life the same
He's battled constantly
This fight he cannot win
A tired man they see no longer cares
The old man then prepares
To die regretfully
That old man here is me

What i've felt
What i've known
Never shined through in what i've shown
Never be
Never see
Won't see what might have been
What i've felt
What i've known
Never shined through in what i've shown
Never free
Never me
So i dub thee unforgiven

You labeled me
I'll label you
So i dub thee unforgiven

Metallica - The Unforgiven



I love this song.
The most played song in my iTunes.

Cold

I feel cold.

Am i?

I'm sorry

I am so sorry.
I hate hurting your feelings.
I never want to do that.
I love you.
And i DON'T want to ever fucking hurt you in any possible way.

But i guess i was too full of myself.
And didn't think of you while i hurt you unknowingly.

This is usually the moment when i throw my laptop at the wall.
But i don't do that anymore.
Hell. I don't even get angry often anymore.

Why?
Because of you.
I don't ever want you to see me angry.
It's such an ugly sight of me that i don't want you to see.
Yes, even I know about it.

You have inspired me to change.
You have inspired me to be more responsible.
You have inspired me to be a better person in this fucked up life of mine.

I don't ever want to screw this up.

I don't want to lose you.

I love you.

And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm so fucking sorry.
I was an idiot.
I AM an idiot.
I am so sorry.
I shouldn't have even fucking brought it up.
I feel stupid.
I am stupid.
Fucking stupid.

FUCK.

Fark!

Just got back home from Ipoh.

Going to Melaka tomorrow.

Tired as fuck.

Stomachache like fuck.

Bored like fuck.

Fuck!

Hahahaha.

H.A.T.E

Mood swing.
Anger.
Rage.
Sadness.
Guilt.

I hate all of the above.
Especially when it all mixes.

---

And now...i am relieved as hell.
:D I love you, sayang.

Rayaya

1st day of raya : nothing.

2nd day of raya : nothing.

3rd day of raya : Ipoh.

4th/5th day of raya : Melaka.

The rest of raya : home.

---

Me : Are we gonna stay over at kampung?
Dad : No kot.

---

Raya pun boleh buat aku mengamuk.
Apa nak jadi dengan dunia ni?
Apa nak jadi dengan aku?

---

Mood swings are fucking bad for my health.
I hate mood swings.

---

This is gonna be one hell of a raya.
Fuck this.

-

I either need to stop being cerewet.

Or i need to stop being fucked up.

Or i need to stop my life.

Or i need to stop thinking too much.

FUCK!

Wanna Know?

Want to know what i hate feeling the most?
Well, there's two of them.

1) Anger.

2) Useless.

Right now, i have both of them in mind.
Mmm~

Any of you wonderful people know how to rid of this feelings?

---

Rasa macam celaka.

Super

I wish i can explode and cause destruction.

?

Anda tahu apakah itu buang masa?

Fikirlah.

Imation

What to do now?

I don't fucking know.

Let's kill people for fucks.

On second thought.

Might as well i kill myself right now.